Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
