hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
