She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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