Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
