Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
