there's paper in my vomit.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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