i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
