Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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