I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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