you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
tonight lets celebrate not being married
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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