Plan B is the new Plan A
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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