he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
