I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Acid is not a monday night drug
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
