So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
