Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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