glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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