I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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