i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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