don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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