Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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