Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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