I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
