I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
