I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
