toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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