how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
this boner is exhausting
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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