Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
