an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
