Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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