so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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