READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
