you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
