So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize