What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The struggles of a small town man whore
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
