I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
