I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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