I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
