The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
