apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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