god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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