I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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