I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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