I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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