Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
