I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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