i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
