i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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