so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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