I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
