Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
