Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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