I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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