I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i came on her dog
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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