Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
