wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
