Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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