Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
