he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
