Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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