i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need moral support for this bender
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
