What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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