i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
