the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
